My cat was put to sleep on the 3rd, (RIP) please help me cope…*details*?
ByMy best friend passed away last Sunday. He was exactly 2 years and 8 months old, a Tonkinese
Platinum Mink Male. His name was Theo or rather Sir Theodore Wilkins Friedman. He had FIP which we treated for about 1/2 a year, but he recently went blind. He wasn’t himself, and was suffering so he was finally put at peace.I loved him soooo much, one of those unconditional love things. I am still just a kid, so this is really hard for me. I was the one to say when he was ready to go, (we were super in synch) which is hard for GROWN UPS. Now I am all screwed up. When I went home after the morning appointment, I just sat on the couch and sobbed. When I tried to breath, all that would come out was a high pitched scream. My mom could barely calm me down. Now over the course of a few days I have been grieving. It is scary, I will open the door and think that I see a flash of white fur go into the bathroom, or Theo’s feet padding on the floor as he walks by, or his meow coming from another room, but there is nothing.And other times I am completely accepting. I was out to lunch today with my mom and we were talking about Theo and how I was doing. We have other pets, two dogs and two cats now, but Theo and I were super close. I told her that I just wanted to be able to just pet and hold. I have a box of stuff of his with some fur and other reminders but it’s not the same. So we decided to go to a local shelter just to keep the animals company. But then I met Tubbs and I fell in love with him. Tubbs is a fat 10 year old cat. I was with him and the other animals, and it made me feel so much better.When we went home, it felt very strange to leave him there. I am still mourning my cat, but I am contemplating whether or not I am ready for Tubbs. My vet tried to make me feel better by saying, “I think Hinduism believes that his spirit will return to you in 40 days,”at the doctor’s office. Even though I am not Hindu, this made me feel that it was ok to get another pet after Theo’s passing, eventually. It has been waaaay less than 40 days, but I have this strange feeling that Tubbs needs me, not in a spiritual kind of way, but as his friend or rescuer. I am not worried of whether or not my family will agree, I am not worrying about that now. I just don’t know if this is just a rebound thing, or if it is real. I have heard that some people find it helpful to get a new pet soon after loss, and that some are the opposite. But still, this is screwing with my head. I want to play it by ear for awhile, but I don’t want Tubbs to be adopted when I am thinking it over. I will probably just visit him a lot, but I still don’t know what to do. Sometimes I get these waves of grief, and other times I feel completely normal. I really want what is best for Tubbs and what is best for me to get over my loss, please help me clear my thoughts. I will always love Theo, I just want to be respectful of his passing. I am sorry this was so long, I am going through a very hard time.
4 Comments
November 4th, 2011 at 5:09 AM
It’s always hard to lose a pet, in ANY way, and hard to get over. Hon–I’m a Gramma, have a 15 month old dog, and when I come home, I open the door and still expect to see my Lab’s nose waiting to touch my hand as I go inside. I had to put her down about 4 years ago–she was 17 and was one of the best dogs I ever had.
Theo will ALWAYS be in your heart. I don’t think you should get another cat right away. Bond a little more with your other ones. Even with families, some cat’s just become soul mates with one person–you and Theo had a strong bond. And think about Tubb’s–adopting a 10 yr old cat isn’t the best idea. He’s not going to be around long–do you think? You might lose HIM in a couple years just from cat old age or something, and then you will be deeply hurt all over again.
I’d really wait awhile. You have to be mature, and realize that you can never replace Theo. You can get another cat, and love him just as much, but it will still be different. I’d wait.
I’m really sorry about Theo. It just takes some time for your hurt to heal. And, Theo wouldn’t want you to stay sad very long. He loved you because you are who you are, and he doesn’t want that love to hurt. Just remember how happy you two were together and remember that love–always. When you are ready, get another to love, but don’t ever expect it to be exactly the same as it was with Theo. It might be just as strong a love, but not exactly the same. Don’t stay sad too long–love your other pets.
November 4th, 2011 at 6:05 AM
I have an Applehead Champagne Point male Tonkinese. Well, I know how easy it is to fall in love with these cute little cats, since I own one myself. Living without him is hard, it really is. They’d follow you around, wonder what’s going on, play and adorably cause mischief from time to time.
But it wasn’t always so peaceful in this household. I lost a weak, Siamese kitten that was adopted from a shelter. Usually, I would ignore the fact that he wasn’t as excited to play as I hoped it would. And, after trying so hard for him to stay with me, he was lying on the vet’s table with closed eyes.
All animals never live forever. We all forget about it. Yet, perhaps it’s the best thing for us to forget about the unhappy endings and do our best to keep kitties purring. And when the tradgedy happens, tears will shed. Can we do anything about it? As owners, we did all we can.
When I lost my kitten, I wondered constantly if I could’ve done anything more for him. Turns out, I couldn’t. Surgery, medication, affection, love… I worked hard. Up there, where all pets pounce around freely, he probably knows that our family loved him. We did all we can so he’d go, knowing that we really did. It was a dark, unpredictable day. So… Hard to believe that the lovable furball in my arms is now gone. That day, I felt numb. My mind refused to swallow that what I’ve seen was what happened.
Now, there’s nothing we can do about it. As long as your Theo knew that you loved him so. He’s safe now. Safer than he ever was before. Free and living happily. It’s life. I can tell you love him, and I’m certain that he loves you just as much.
It’s difficult. I felt the same. Sorry for your loss, dear. Good luck. Hope this helped.
November 4th, 2011 at 6:19 AM
Its never easy to loose a pet. recently my mother had a cat and she loved it very much. it seemed fine but would sometimes look depressed, turned out to be cat lucimea. And she had to make the painful decision to put her to sleep. She was depressed for months, but is starting to get over it now. Some people just cant get the bond between a person and their pet, sure people say just get another one but it is never the same, a connection to an animal is unbreakable. I have a golden retriever with a heart condition and am scared to death that one day she will be gone when i wake up. So I know how you feel.
its not fun
November 4th, 2011 at 6:54 AM
its very hard to loose a pet that bond is so unbreakable i lost my xena march 19th of last year to kidney disease she was 3 and 1/2 i still miss her very much and i believe i always will my mom got me this lil maine coon kitten a lil over a month after xena died when i didn’t ask for another one i think it was to soon while i love my cat that i have now we don’t have that same special bond that xena and i had, xena was scared of people when i got her didn’t want anything to do with getting attention to being a cat that ran to meet me at the door when i would get home from work licking my face purring up a storm would always be curled up next to me a site that has helped me is rainbowbridge.com u can put stories pictures memories up for any animal that youve lost i hope this helps