Hi ok so first time i am doing this, but i have heard my friend talk about this site a lot, and considering that its almost 8 am and everyones still asleep in my house and i havent even slept yet i dont really know who to talk to about this, and i just started thinking too much about it and i just need some ones opinion about this.this is probably going to be long but i appreciate anyone reading it through and giving their feedback.i do see a counsellor and a psychiatrist, diagnosed depressed which i have known way before i started therapy, which is only about a month or two ago. i am on medication, clonazepam and lamotrigine, but these get changed about. im gonna give a little backdrop before saying what i really came on here to say, ok uh so i meet the psychiatrist about every 2 weeks, he just asks how my mood has been and has anythin changed, side effects of medications,writes out my prescription. i googled my medication, i always do that,i like knowing what it is, the side effects. and if im not mistaken llamotrigine is used to treat bipolar disorder? as well as an anti convulsant im not sure what that even is. i’ve studied psychology for 2 years in quite a lot of detail.i know its wrong to self diagnose but ive studied this and i know my symptoms and i always knew i was depressed, sometimes moderately sometimes severely, at one point i thought i was bipolar, not full blown bipolar disorder as i wasnt fully manic so probably type 2 bipolar, and at other times i thought it was borderline personality disorder, at times both. Its not that having these disorders worry me or scare me i just want to know as always what it is and to have a clearer picture, but i do knwo that there is something else and not just depression, first reaction is of course discuss this with my therapist but like i said im not much of a talker, and usually i plan out these entire conversations wit them in my head and plan it all out but by the time i get there in front of them i either completely shut down or im just a completely different person, or i just try to hurry it up and get out of there.i started seeing the doctors a few months ago i think, ive wanted to go for a long time, for issues that i feel are a lot more personal and i dont want to mention them here but they arent related to this i think. but what i eventually went in for was for having panic/anxiety attacks, NOW to my point, so last night [ its 8 30 am now jeez!] i was watching a movie with my mom and my mom asked me when the movie ended so she could take the dog out for a walk and i checked and told her 12 and the movie ended and i remember talking to my mom for a bit after and lying there n eventually going to my room. later on i remembered i wanted to search for a song i heard before and i knew it wasnt in the movie i was watchign it was after and i couldnt remember what i watched at all, i just couldnt remember, i had to go ask my mom and turns out it was shrek 4. i guess what im saying is i have a lot of memory loss, randomly, i cant recall what i did 4 days ago for eg. its always kinda sucked but this is strange right? this situation is an eg it has happened before but i cant remembe any other example to give (ha ironic) later on when i was trying to sleep i cant recall when i fell asleep really i dont know if i did at all but at some point i was conscious and i had a v.uncomfortable feeling in my lower legs, not pain but discomfort to the point of i couldnt keep them still it was driving me crazy i started shaking them more and more until eventually the discomfort went, i dont even remember at what point it went. for sometime i didnt even know(still dont) if i slept at all, after the leg thing i sat up for a bit, still felt a little weird, didnt know if i was awake, so i started touching my hands staring at them, i could feel one hand touch the other but didnt feel like my hand, just A hand, i started pinching, again didnt feeling like my hand doing th pinching, after a few it did. i went lay down tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt, i was just very very awake, my mind started buzzing about various things, at first kept thinking about this only ove rand over again and then just random thoughts about people movies played songs (yeah i can play songs in my head ha not sure thats what you d ideally call it i guess i sing to myself in my head or just play the song in my head), thoughts flew in and out and i was yawning so i can assume that i didnt sleep but i am completely awake.
i dont know if anything that i have said makes any sense because i had to edit out things many times coz i exceeded the word limit, and i apologize normally my grammar and writing skills are a lot better but do understand that i have not slept and oh btw i also do generally have sleeping problems never something like this though, right and im typing real fast, everythings thats coming to mind. any insight on this, feedback, suggestions, comments anything is appreciated immensel
holy shit that’s way long
WOW
sorry
kudos to you if you manage to read through it all, i hope some one does.